At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
