how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
