Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I love you. Go after that dick
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
