I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
