Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
