my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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