I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
