she woke up with a sticky ear
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
