Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize