Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Randomize
