Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
