shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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