I wish I could teleport
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
