I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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