If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So much rum. So many feels.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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