Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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