Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
