she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
