i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Found the puke drawer
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think i got beer on your cat.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
