Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
