In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize