I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
