Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
