Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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