if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
