I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
They took my balls.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
BRING THE BAGELS
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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