you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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