one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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