did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
