her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
