Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
