I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
