Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's blow job season.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
