My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
