Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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