I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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