Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
