Buhtt sex?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
