i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
