Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
