Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
