Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
