I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
