I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
