I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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