I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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