ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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