I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
