Betty ford says i'm here all night
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
