just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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