They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
