I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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