Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
