I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
