when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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