My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
