UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
