I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
