when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
