is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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