First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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