Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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