How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
