He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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