Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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