it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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