I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
