that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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