battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
