Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize