i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
