one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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